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"The Fight for My Life"

Children are usually not told that their illnesses will eventually lead to death.  They come to this knowledge by consulting with their friends who are suffering from the same diseases.  Most adults often have difficulty believing that children can know that they are dying when they are not told, but those who work around dying children all the time know that these children understand what they face.  One way it becomes apparent is in their artwork.  When asked by an occupational therapist if he would like to draw, one young leukemic patient in the final stages of life said “Ok.  Let’s draw graves” (Bluebond-Langner, Pg. 203). 

I want to help these dying children deal with the reality of their approaching death and help them be as comfortable as possible in the final stages.   Death is a closed subject among so many people.  I have discovered this in my own experience.  As I try to talk about death, people pretend it will not happen.  Children need to be able to discuss their approaching and unavoidable death with someone and I want to be the one to help them work through it.    

Entering this field as a Christian will be tough.  My experience working with hospitalized children as an intern helped me realize the difficult ethical and spiritual situations that I will come in contact with as a Christian in this field.  I will not be allowed to openly share my faith with my patients.  It will be very difficult for me as a Christian to work with dying children and their families and not be able to share my peace with them.  As I work with these children in the final stages of their lives and consistently see their fears of death in their artwork, I have wondered how I will be able to comfort them and help them deal with their fears. 

As a Christian facing the possibility of an early death, I have a different perspective on death than many of the young patients with whom I will be working.  It will be difficult to work with them knowing that although I fear the dying process, I have nothing to fear in what I will experience after this life.  Although I will be allowed to share my fear of the dying process, I will not be able to share my beliefs about what happens afterwards.  Only as a result of direct questioning by the parents or children themselves will I be allowed to talk about my relationship with God.  However, not being able to freely express my faith in God does not mean that I will not be able help patients deal with death.  I believe my faith in God will be a positive asset as I will be able to show compassion and love for all the children and family members involved.  My summer internship provided me the opportunity to share my unusual compassion and love with so many patients.  Families of patients noticed something in me that they had never seen in previous interns or other employees.  They were able to see the strong love in me and I was questioned about my beliefs.  People who are hurting need someone who they can sit and talk to and because of my patience, I was often the one to offer a listening ear.

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"Art as a Healing Process in My Life 4"